Identity Based Habits

Identity Based Habits

Identity Based Habits (How To Use Them To Overcome Limiting Beliefs)

Identity based habits can be our biggest allies or our worst enemies.

When it comes to overcoming limiting beliefs the goal is to break bad habits that contribute to limiting beliefs and create a habit change that creates an identity that strengthens you.

Noticing your I am statements and creating powerful I am affirmation statements is just one of the tools Whole Life Leadership and Business coach Kristin Constable shares in this video.


How To Overcome Perfectionism

There is one limiting belief that really does make or break entrepreneurs.

Perfectionism

As an entrepreneur perfectionism is deadly to your business and to you and your sanity if you really want to play big and take on things that you've never done before. So today, we're going to take a look under the hood and look out what actually is behind perfectionism and why is it present for so many people.

And don't worry, I'm not going to leave you hanging. I'm also going to share with you The Perfectionists Workout, a workbook i’ve created to help you workout your growth mindset muscles to help you overcome perfectionism.

What even is perfectionism?

Okay, so first things first. Let's define what perfectionism really is. There's no better person to go to on this other than the queen on this subject, Brené Brown.

Brené Brown talks about perfectionism and distinguishes it from healthy striving or wanting to move towards excellence. She talks about perfectionism and striving as very different things. I'm sure if you're an A type high performer, that is good news to you because this idea of not striving or not working towards excellence is probably a little bit disconcerting.

Perfectionism is the belief that unless you are perfect, unless you show up and live perfectly, be perfectly, act perfectly, you are not worthy and that it really is, it really comes down to not being seen, or not wanting to be seen, fear of being seen. And the impact of that as an entrepreneur is huge. Especially if you are an entrepreneur and you are your brand.

The Cost Of Perfectionism

So imagine now ... And maybe you don't have to imagine. Maybe this is you. You are your brand and you're not wanting to show up and be seen because you think in order to be seen and show up fully, you have to be perfect. You have to show up in this perfect package or you have to nail it the first time. It might look like launching a course. It might be as simple as a social media post. But when you believe that the only way to be successful is to absolutely nail it, what happens is you don't actually take the next step. You don't actually even play.

An amazing analogy that I like to share when it comes to this is around a dart board. So imagine a dart board. And imagine playing darts, but the only way you are willing to take a shot was if you knew you were going to hit the bullseye. There is no fun in that game at all. And the possibility of you being successful and feeling successful is very, very small. When you open up your possibility to be like, "I'm okay with wherever that dart lands. I'm going to do my best because there's going to be learning in the process and I'm going to get better and better as I grow," that is where real growth happens. And that's where you can actually make movement towards having that wildly successful business and living that rich and fulfilling values driven life.

How To Overcome Perfectionism

Okay, so what the hell do you do about this? The first step, like all of these limiting barriers and beliefs, is to create an awareness around it. So bring to mind a place where perfectionism is holding you back. A place where you're not taking the shot where you know you really want to take that shot. Take a moment to think about that, journal on it, do whatever you need to get clear on the cost of perfectionism to you and your business.

The flip side of that cost is around fear of scarcity and saying yes to things that you actually should be saying no to. These are the things that have you playing safe, that have you not really stepping out of your comfort zone because you know that you can do them and that you can show up and look good. Those are just as detrimental to your success as the areas that you're not taking shots on. So take a moment to journal around that. Where are you taking shots that you actually should probably let go and you should say no to because they aren't in alignment with what you actually ... What your big picture vision and your big picture goals are.

Choosing A Growth Mindset

Choosing a growth mindset over a fixed mindset is where your freedom lies. People with a fixed mindset believe that their abilities are never changing, that they're fixed, that they can't actually get better at something if they don't know how to do it. They see failure as a reflection on their own shortcomings. So no wonder when failure comes up, they don't like it or they want to avoid it all together.

The link between a fixed mindset and perfectionism is huge. When you believe that you cannot change, when you believe that failure is a bad thing, you're not going to take the risk, make the leap, take that shot.

The alternate to fixed mindset is a growth mindset. A growth mindset can be cultivated no matter what mindset you might currently have. It's just a practice. People with a growth mindset believe that everything is figureoutable. That failure is actually an opportunity to grow and learn. They see failure as something that's interesting and they get curious about it. They also believe that their skillset and their abilities can change and that they can cultivate, and do anything, and be anything that they want. You can probably start to see how this mindset can really serve you when it comes to overcoming perfectionism and really stepping out of that fear of failure.

The Perfectionist’s Workout

If you don't know, right now, whether you have a fixed or a growth mindset, no prob. I've got you covered. Download The Perfectionist Workout. The assessment will give you a clue to which mindset you spend most of your time in and then from there you can choose a “workout” to workout your growth mindset muscles.

All right, so it's time to get into action. What is one thing that you can do today that would have you take a shot somewhere that you have been holding back? It can be big, it can be small. The key here is that you're getting into action right away.

Comment below with the one thing that you're taking a shot on that you know you should, but you've been holding back.

If you found this post helpful share it with some friends and make sure to check out some of the other posts in this Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Series like - How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty.

Ready to do some deep dive limiting beliefs mindset work? Connect with me for a complimentary Goal Design Coaching Session to co-create your next steps.

Kristin Constable, Whole Life Leadership + Business Coach

www.kristinconstable.com

How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty | OvercomE the limiting beliefs that hold you back

How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty | OvercomE the limiting beliefs that hold you back

What I've discovered is it's not only possible to learn how to say no, you can learn how to do this without feeling guilty with the help of one foundational practice.

Get To Know Your Inner Saboteurs | Overcome The Limiting Beliefs That Hold You Back

Let's take a minute to talk about these inner saboteurs and how they hold us back.

First of all, everyone has some version of these inner critics to some degree or the other. The goal isn't to not have them at all, rather the goal is to recognize that they're there and get into the driver's seat so that they don't drive your behavior or hold you back.

Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, a great book around inner saboteurs, talks about one inner saboteur specifically that he's named the Judge. The Judge is this inner critic that looks at ourselves and others through the lens of is this good or bad. As humans we're actually hardwired to have this inner critic. The judge has helped you survive and has protected you from physical and emotional pain. The Judge can be really helpful in fact if you understand it's role. However, if the Judge is running it can hold you back from being able to show up powerfully in your work, in your relationships, and in your life.

Step 1 To Overcome Any Limiting Belief

So, how do you overcome this overuse? The first stage of any behavior change is awareness. My tip for you around awareness goes back to subject-object theory in psychology. When you can subjectify something as outside of yourself it allow you to create some space from it and makes it easier to see it for what it truly is. In the case of limiting beliefs subjectifying the belief makes it a lot easier to name it, to identify it, and see it as something separate from who you are.

Your first practice is to observe your inner voice, the patterns, the tone, the ways of thinking that show up for you. Start to subjectify what you discover by giving each element a name. It could be the judge. One that I've identified for myself is the Rigid Quality Controller, this is the inner critic that needs lots of control and needs to make sure everything is perfect.

Step 2 In Overcoming Any Limiting Belief

All right, so let's talk about what to do once you have some awareness around what these annoying little voices are all about and also how they've served you in the past. That's part of that work in stage one, is to identify them and look at how they've served you in the past.

Once you're there, now you get to be in choice. This is a really important part around the coaching model, awareness isn't enough. You now need to ask yourself, what choices do I have? The best way to really get in choice around moving forward differently is looking at the costs versus the benefits of this inner critic. What are the costs that come along with being the Judge? The Rigid Quality Controller? Whatever it is that this inner critic that you've come up with, look at the costs that it has on your life, on your relationships, and the way that you're able to show up in the world. Then, look at the benefits. As I said, most of these saboteurs are there for a reason. They've served you in some way. So, honor them. From that place, you'll be able to powerfully say thanks, but no thanks to the ones that aren't serving you anymore.

That is your second practice, look at the costs and the benefits of your inner critics so that you can choose a new way.

Once you have chosen your new way, now it's time to activate. This part takes a little bit of work, and if you're not clear on it yet it's all good.

If you aren't clear on your new way take 12 minutes to listen to this guided Future Self Visualization that can help you really tap into the type of energy that you want to choose to activate.

Just like we did subject-object with the inner critics, we want to do subject-object with who we actually want to be.

Step 3 To Overcome Any Limiting Belief

The final tip that I want to leave you with around how to break free of these inner saboteurs is around action. Again, awareness without action is useless. It's good to start to know your inner saboteurs, but then you need to do something with it. One of the best tools I have here around getting into action comes from habit research, and it's the idea of an if-then queue. If-then queues are brilliant because they take the thinking out of things. They work as a trigger. If this happens, then I do this.

How to apply this to this work would look something like this:

"If my inner saboteur of the rigid quality controller comes up, then I take a moment to acknowledge that saboteur, say thank you, and choose my new way instead."

A really helpful way to remind yourself about this or your new way is through something that I call an anchor. An anchor is something that you can see, feel, or touch that can kind of bring you back or anchor you back to your new way. For me, I wear a necklace. Having that necklace is a reminder about my new way.

We've talked about a lot here, time to recap!

We talked about three things:

First, getting to know your inner saboteurs and awareness around what's actually there.

Second, getting into choice around what the alternatives are and how they've actually served you in the past, these inner critics or inner saboteurs, how have they served you? And what choice are you making now?

Third get into action using an if-then queue and an anchor.

Don't forget to download that Future Self-Visualization it will help you get clear on what you are saying yes to when you say no to those inner critics.

I'd love to know what is one saboteur that you've identified that gets in the way of you leading that wildly successful business or living that rich and fulfilling values driven life? Comment below because remember, just naming it is the first step to getting into action here. So, you're already taking the first step by doing that, but put it in the comments below.

Kristin Constable

Leader Lesson: How To Create A Purpose Driven Business

Leader Lesson: How To Create A Purpose Driven Business

As an entrepreneur you have an incredible platform to have impact and create change through your business. In this leader lesson I’ll share some powerful coaching questions and tools to help you create a meaningful purpose driven business for yourself.